Tag Archives: passion

Roll the Dice

if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
otherwise, don’t even start.

if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.

go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.

if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
that.
you will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.

do it, do it, do it.
do it.

all the way
all the way.

you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, its
the only good fight
there is.

Charles Bukowski

image

image

image

Facing The Darkness

Last year I wrote Running From The Darkness and opened up about my struggle with finding meaning in my life and dealing with low thoughts of self worth and depression. It took a lot for me to write that and to be completely vulnerable to the world. Now, I have come full circle.

Prior to moving to Durango, my experience with meditation was very minimal. It was inconsistent and I only went for 10 minutes at a time. I mainly did it before bed to relax, reduce stress and to sleep better. Little did I know I was just skimming the surface.

When I first got to my new town, I discovered that there was a meditation center and a few nights out of the week there were group meditation sits. Usually they last as long as 45 minutes and then the leader does a talk afterwards.

If you haven’t meditated before or if you are new to it like myself, 45 minutes is a long ass time to be completely alone in your head. Sometimes my mind is going 100 mph and sometimes my mind is completely clear. Sometimes I am in complete bliss and sometimes I am digging deep in the dark corners that have been tucked away my entire life.

Meditation and mindfulness is not just about finding positivity in yourself and the world around. Part of it is about becoming aware of negative thoughts and emotions too.

When you become more mindful you begin to ask yourself why you do what you do, why you say what you say and why to think the way you think. It’s almost like a way of asking yourself, who am I?

A lot of the things we tell ourselves, whether good or bad, are from a lifetime of experiences and somehow we have become conditioned to think that way.

For some reason, I was conditioned to think that I was worthless, that my life had no meaning and I wasn’t happy. Maybe those feelings were rooted in my lack of finding meaningful work that I loved and/or from all of my failed relationships.

I truly believed all of the negativity I was feeding myself.

I used my passion of running to push all of that aside and to chase a life of happiness. I was running from myself and the darkness. It was a quick fix, but no matter how far I ran it would always be with me.

“You can outdistance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you.”

Lately I have been working on personal compassion. Compassion towards the world was one thing that I felt when I first began a consistent meditation practice. But I can be my own worst enemy and I wantedto dive into that area of my mind head on.

How I did that was with words of positive affirmations. After a few sits, I could tell a slight shift in my outlook on myself, but I knew there was more that I could do.

About 2 weeks ago, I was meditating and I realized that there was something that I have never said to myself.

The words “I love you” came out and I honestly couldn’t hold back the tears.

It felt like I finally saw myself as someone deserving of my own compassion and love. I was beginning to accept myself as someone who I would in normal life, like a friend or a loved one.

It was a relief to hear myself say those things to myself. Like I had been waiting all of my life to hear those words from me.

I continued with this practice and again, I didn’t realize there was a depth even further.

Last night, while at the group meditation we were doing a guided meditation. We were asked to think about someone who we are envious of and then we told to realize that we are all the same in that we share the same air, the same gravity, the same world. It doesn’t matter what others have or what other do.

We are all equals in this world.

Then the leader of the mediation said, “you are good enough.”

My internal armor dissolved.

Tears welled up and then they flowed down my face and I couldn’t hold them back.

She said it again and I felt free from myself. Free from all of my self hate that I had tucked away. Free from the shit I was running away from. I finally felt like me.

I was liberated from the internal cage I built inside as I struggled with life after graduating college. I finally felt like I deserved everything that there is good in life.

Later in the mediation she said “sometimes meditation is about going into the darkness with a flashlight, not about pushing it away.”

Last weekend’s race at Antelope Canyon was the first race I did after starting to be more compassionate with myself and it was the most enjoyable race I have ever done. I was solely running for the love of running. I wasn’t running for a certain time or for a certain place. I ran for the passion and not to try to make myself feel worthy and deserving of myself. I ran because I loved it. I ran free.

There is a reason why I wanted to share this with everyone. And it also goes with why I try to inspire everyone to follow their hearts. I believe part of my life’s purpose is to translate my experiences to everyone, so that they are inspired to take a chance at the life they want deep down.

So here is my message to everyone and I won’t stop reiterating it:

You are good enough. You are capable of amazing things and you deserve everything that your heart desires. You are beautiful. You are incredible. You are better than you think you are.

You are alive for a reason and that reason it to do amazing things. We have one chance at life, so go fucking for whatever it is that you want. Go for it. Like, right now.

There is that saying that “it’s about the journey, not the destination.” Well majority of the world is living as if they’re at the destination. Just sitting, coasting by and not truly living. They’re already dead. If it’s about the journey, then make it a journey. Doing something you hate everyday isn’t a journey, it’s a death sentence.

Wake up. Be alive. Be mindful of the world around you. Smile more. Taste this wonderful life. Appreciate everything around you. Be grateful to be alive. Wake up excited everyday. Take chances and take pictures. Dance and sing. Be free. Travel. Make mistakes. Learn and grow. Open your heart. Write your own story.

Do the world a favor and just be you.

The things you want are just on the other side of fear that you’ve made up in your mind. I have been on my path for a few years now and I can only say that it is fucking wonderful to see the world the way that I do. Don’t let others hold you back and don’t let yourself hold you back.

When you follow your heart, you meet the most beautiful people and go to the most beautiful places.

Go live. Chase your dreams. Follow you heart. Never stop living.

I know I still have a long way to travel down my road. I just hope you have the courage to travel down yours.

Inner Peace, Inner Strength

I believe that as we journey through our lives, our main focus is to find inner peace from our surroundings, situations and selves. A satisfaction and contentment.

And the more we experience in life, the more strength we accumulate, allowing us to discover and understand harmony in any instance that greets us. An acceptance and appreciation.

I don’t believe that this is exclusive to any certain passion. But I do believe that runners take to the roads or head to the trails to find their inner strength and inner peace to make life more enjoyable and to find clarity in a cluttered world.

I find this evident with myself when I compare my mental well being to days that I do run verses days that I do not. The equanimity of every day life seems in balance when I run just an hour out of the 24 that are available each day. The scales are heavily askew on rest days even though 1 out of 24 shouldn’t equate to a balance to begin with.

But that one hour is enough for my soul to feel peaceful and to have the strength to dust myself off when contentment washes over contention from the unpleasantness that sometimes arises in life.

Each run is a journey in itself, congruent to life as a whole. Each run is an opportunity to further develop my inner peace towards myself and the world around me. Each run deepens my strength to hold on to the fact that life is beautiful and frightening at the same time.

The saying that “life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you” is both agreeable and refreshing when viewed post run compared to prior.

I believe my journey of running is my peace of mind towards meaning and fulfillment. Running is my inner peace, my inner strength.

image

image

image

image

step up

My goal is to ____________________________.

Fill in the blank with your goal.

Now tell yourself this as much as you need to:

It’s time. It’s time to step up. I want it and I want it so damn bad. I know it will be tough as hell, but I know that is part of the process. If it wasn’t tough then my goal is too easy. It will be hard and that’s how it should be. The harder, the better I will be on the other side of success. I may fail…many many times. No matter how many times, I will keep working my ass off. Out of failure, lessons learned will be stepping stones towards my ultimate goal. Nothing will stop me. I won’t hit the snooze button because I know the moment I wake up I get to chase my goal, my dream. It will hurt. It will suck. I am ready for that. There may be blood. There will be stinging sweat. I will lose my breath. But when I catch it, I will be a new animal. I am on a fucking mission. I am more than determined. I can be great and I have the greatness in me to achieve whatever I want. I will come out on top no matter what. I’m ready to rise up. There will be times that I feel like quitting. But I can’t. I can’t because this goal…this goal is my life.

“Something deep in the human heart breaks at the thought of a life of mediocrity.” —C.S. Lewis

So, how bad do you want it?…

Filling the Void

I believe, for myself, that I fall more in love with running the more I need to fill a gap in my life. An emptiness that only another can fill. And when there is no other, the miles become my comfort. Maybe, it’s the discomfort of straining tired muscles or it’s rhythms that each foot step brings, that comforts me.

No matter the pain or pleasure, it’s like a comfort blanket to me. Maybe it’s because I can expect either around any corner or up any hill. Maybe it’s expecting the unexpected while running or it has become, expecting the expected.

I know what running brings me. I know how I’ll feel during and after. It sounds like an addiction and maybe that’s what running is. Just like any other pleasure we chase.

Running is my fallback. It’s Plan A and Plan B at the same time. It’s my passion and it’s my cement to fill the adverse times of sorrow.

It’s a want and a necessity.

And the more it takes up my life, the more I want to do it. Maybe that’s because it distracts my mind compared to when I’m idle. Or maybe it’s because it fulfills my given purpose and temporarily fills the void that others leave behind.

I’m ready to run to and away from the things that I do and don’t want to feel right now. I’m ready for the pain and pleasure. The accomplishment and the satisfaction that every step brings. And for the glory, appreciation and acceptance that running brings to life.

I’m ready.

image

image

image

The World is Waiting

The world needs your gift, your dreams. The world needs you to do amazing things, to show others what’s possible in a lifetime. The world needs your special talents that you have yet to tap into. The world needs you to take a chance on what you have always wanted to do. And there is no better time than now. Go for it because the world is waiting for you.

Go For It

Take a chance and go for it!

Something is on your mind. I know there is.

No matter where you are in life, there has always been something that you have always wanted to do. Go do it for once and get it off your mind.

Don’t worry about every tiny detail and every expense it might cost. That’s just fear holding you back and that’s all in your mind.

 “So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.” -Jim Carrey

Go after what you want for once.

There is no better time than now.

Go for it…
…and don’t look back.