Impermanence

The more you get to know something, someone or somewhere, a deeper level of intimacy is magnified within. Feelings so pure that gratitude naturally permeates with each lived moment. And the impermanence of those moments make each one unique and incomparable to one another. Acceptance of the impermanent nature of everything is the essence to an astonishingly aware and wondrously well-lived life.

 

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step up

My goal is to ____________________________.

Fill in the blank with your goal.

Now tell yourself this as much as you need to:

It’s time. It’s time to step up. I want it and I want it so damn bad. I know it will be tough as hell, but I know that is part of the process. If it wasn’t tough then my goal is too easy. It will be hard and that’s how it should be. The harder, the better I will be on the other side of success. I may fail…many many times. No matter how many times, I will keep working my ass off. Out of failure, lessons learned will be stepping stones towards my ultimate goal. Nothing will stop me. I won’t hit the snooze button because I know the moment I wake up I get to chase my goal, my dream. It will hurt. It will suck. I am ready for that. There may be blood. There will be stinging sweat. I will lose my breath. But when I catch it, I will be a new animal. I am on a fucking mission. I am more than determined. I can be great and I have the greatness in me to achieve whatever I want. I will come out on top no matter what. I’m ready to rise up. There will be times that I feel like quitting. But I can’t. I can’t because this goal…this goal is my life.

“Something deep in the human heart breaks at the thought of a life of mediocrity.” —C.S. Lewis

So, how bad do you want it?…

The Road to Bryce 100

My next 100 miler is set in stone and will be the Bryce 100 that is run in the middle of June in Bryce Canyon National Park.

It’s an out and back course with over 18,000 feet of gain and loss. Most of that being in the 8,000 ft to 9,000 ft of elevation. The scenery looks amazing for this one. Check out the video below.

I’m super pumped about this one!

As everyone knows, I shot for the stars with last year’s Bighorn 100 and fell way short of my goal. But my greatest success of last year was failing at that race. The lessons I took from that experience have been ingrained in me and have provided, what I feel, a solid stepping stone and foundation to what is to come with future goals.

How I prepare for this race will be an astronomical improvement over one year ago. I feel like I am on the right path to finding out what needs to get done to possibly come out on top for a mountain 100 miler.

I have this intense feeling deep down about the potentiality of this race for me and it only inspires me to run and train to be the best me I can be.

I’m ready and can’t wait for this one.

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The Last Road to a 100

“The longest journey a man must take is the eighteen inches from his head to his heart.”- unknown 

There will never be an end, until the end.

Life is full of highs and lows. Often times these come unexpected and duration can never be predicted. It’s in how we deal with these ups and downs that make them worthwhile.

It’s about the attitude we choose to use in life that signifies whether it was a positive or negative experience.

And the only certainty in life is that there will always be highs and lows just like the cyclical patterns of the changing tides. Most likely they will be less frequent, but there will always be a rise and there will always be a fall.

We have to accept that fact.

It would be inhuman to think that you will always be happy or that we will always feel a certain way.

There are so many feelings on the emotional spectrum and it is only natural to go through them.

I have used running as my middle ground to sort through my life journey. Things seem to make more sense while I’m running or after I have finished a run.

I absolutely love the clarity that running brings to me.

Sharing my inner thoughts on here has been wonderful but I know from personal experience that the only way to learn and grow is through your own personal experience. It’s easy to sit and read what I have done and what I have thought, but do you as a reader truly learn anything?

I don’t want to sound cynical but I don’t think so.

And as I mentioned earlier there will always be highs and lows. I have accepted that. With that in mind, there are only so many ways to express how I feel about running. There are only so many ways to interpret the lessons I have learned while going through my own journey.

This will be a lifelong journey.

At some point it will become redundant, for you and for me.

I choose running, or it has chosen me, to be the means of passionate transportation down my own path. Through that, it defines me as a person and it is my metaphorical guide to the book of my life.

I am on this journey from my head to my heart. I have no idea where I am along this journey but I can tell you that I have a ways to go.

I believe that the best way to finding the balance and peace within, you need to live in the present moment. You need to live now, to be fully alive.

Lately, I have worked on being more mindful of my thoughts and actions. Wondering why I do certain things or think a certain way.

Something I have pondered on is why I, and others, feel the need to share our own unique stories.

A lot of times I worry that the reason I do share my life is to increase my self-esteem. That might sound a little dark, but before you post something to the world, sit and think why you are doing that. What inner purpose does it serve?

Life can be long or it can be short, but if you aren’t living in the present, then what’s the point?

As I have become more present with myself and my surroundings, I have found the need to share my journey less important. It’s distracting. And I hope everyone starts to think in the same way.

Just live.

Live and grow your own way.

I am glad I was able to project my evolution over the last few years with everyone but I know that it is time to move on from this.

It’s time to close this chapter and look forward to the horizon of another era. New adventures and new achievements.

This won’t be the end of my running, but this will be the end of Road to a 100 after my next 100 miler. I’ll continue to do ultras and other 100s, but I won’t have any need to document my ups and downs along the way.

Because my experience doesn’t translate to your experience. You have to find that on your own.

You, me, we. We have to go out and live. Not here, online. But out there, in the world.

“You can’t live at all, unless you can live fully, now.” -Alan Watts

Filling the Void

I believe, for myself, that I fall more in love with running the more I need to fill a gap in my life. An emptiness that only another can fill. And when there is no other, the miles become my comfort. Maybe, it’s the discomfort of straining tired muscles or it’s rhythms that each foot step brings, that comforts me.

No matter the pain or pleasure, it’s like a comfort blanket to me. Maybe it’s because I can expect either around any corner or up any hill. Maybe it’s expecting the unexpected while running or it has become, expecting the expected.

I know what running brings me. I know how I’ll feel during and after. It sounds like an addiction and maybe that’s what running is. Just like any other pleasure we chase.

Running is my fallback. It’s Plan A and Plan B at the same time. It’s my passion and it’s my cement to fill the adverse times of sorrow.

It’s a want and a necessity.

And the more it takes up my life, the more I want to do it. Maybe that’s because it distracts my mind compared to when I’m idle. Or maybe it’s because it fulfills my given purpose and temporarily fills the void that others leave behind.

I’m ready to run to and away from the things that I do and don’t want to feel right now. I’m ready for the pain and pleasure. The accomplishment and the satisfaction that every step brings. And for the glory, appreciation and acceptance that running brings to life.

I’m ready.

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Truth or Dare: Sangre de Cristos and Great Sand Dune National Park

This past weekend I had the opportunity to explore the southern end of the Sangre de Cristo mountain range as well as the Great Sand Dune National Park.

And while I was waiting with someone Friday afternoon, at the campgrounds, for the others in the group to arrive, we killed time by playing Truth or Dare. Which ended up just being Truth or Truth. But on one of the rare occasions that I said Dare, I was dared to not check any social media accounts for the entire weekend.

Challenge accepted.

I only used my phone for taking pictures. The rest of the weekend was filled with great company, great food, great (box) wine, great runs, great scenery and perfect fall weather.

I was more in the moment because of my dare. And by being in the moment, I believe that the flavors of life become the best in life. Completely immersed in the moment, each moment became the best moment.

Had I accessed any social media accounts, I’m not sure if I would have had any less of a good time. But I know that by not looking at them, this was one of the best weekends I’ve ever had. I may have missed out on a good laugh or interesting conversation if I was scrolling through my Facebook feed. Or I may have missed a shooting star or the perfect chance to snap a photo.

Even though it was only a 48 hour cleanse, I find myself wondering why I (and I assume, we as a society) spend so much time using social media. It really is a distraction of life. What’s really the point of using social media except to fuel our egocentric culture?

It’s a great way to misuse our personal alone time and it’s a great way detach yourself from the moments with friends and family, the moments that really matter.

Yes, it does feel a little silly typing all of this and then posting it to this blog.

I hope to spend less time online and more time in tune with my environment. Less time sharing memories and more time collecting them. Hopefully you will do the same…

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